I am officially, no longer, a city employee. As of five o'clock today my stint as an agent of the government ended. No more filing, no more memos, NO MORE BULLSHIT and it feels good to go back to the world where common sense exists, not always used, but at least exists.

Despite my bitching, the last month turned out to be pretty interesting. Contrary to some of the other city employees, those that I worked with directly were some of the most intelligent, well spoken, organized, and friendly people I have met. They made my work experience enjoyable and reaffirmed how much is lacking from the isolated world of "poker as a profession." Even over such a short span of time, I built up what I would say was a little more than a working relationship with most of my co-workers. I knew a lot about their personal background, college experience, children and grand-children and I shared with them a lot about my past. With how slow it got around the office, it was hard not to sit down and get to know each other. At any rate, this is going somewhere, so I guess I'll just take it there right now.

As a thank you and goodbye type thing, the crew decided to take me out to lunch. We went to a small italian restraunt. The atmosphere was very personal, relaxed, very non-professional. It felt almost like a dinner with the family. Half way through the meal, my boss got a very inquisitive look on his face and asked why I had decided to work half way through the summer. I think he expected me to talk about a trip or some kind of family thing, I really don't know. However, the answer I gave him definately was the last thing he expected.

I told him over the last six months I had been playing poker more or less as a job. I can't really explain the expression that came over his face. It was almost a look of complete betrayal. The conversation at the table stopped and all of a sudden everyone was focussed on me. It felt like one of those bad dreams where you were sitting in class, the teacher just asked you an impossible question, and all of a sudden you realize oh damn, I'm not wearing any pants and its amazingly cold in here. You just sit there, turn a little red, desperately searching for a way to salvage the situation.

There was about three or four seconds of uncomfortable silence where it seemed as if the entire restaurant went quiet when one of my coworkers said in an almost matter of fact tone "well, I never expected you to be a gambler." It was like I had just committed an unforgivable sin or somehow forgot to put a cover page on my daily reports per the memo I recieved that morning. At this point I went into a full court press defense. The looks, the tone, I had just been told in the most explicit but silent way that the last six months of my life were utterly despicable.

I looked at my co-worker and told her well I'm not really a gambler, in fact, I hate gambling. This of course brought more confused and disapproving scowls but at least opened a door for explanation. So I walked through it. I explained that gambling is about saying I have a chance to win money, I may not always win, but I have a chance to. In that situation, over the long run, you will always lose. Gambling is very much a short term situation. Poker, on the other hand, is anything but gambling. If viewed and evaluated over two or three hours of play, I would call it gambling, but seriously playing poker as a job means playing it for upwards of eight to nine hours a day six maybe seven days a week for months on end. In that long of a time period, its not gambling, but a game of odds where if played correctly, it is extremely difficult to lose.

My explanation was met with a lot of skepticism. My boss, in a mixture of confusion and arrogance, asked "so you never lose?" I knew it was just a matter of time before someone asked me that. Whenever you talk with someone who has little experience with or knowledge of poker, they always seem to ask you that. The good thing is that you have an answer for it. I told him no, I do lose, sometimes a lot. Anyone who says they dont lose is either lying or has never played poker. The difference is that over an extended period of time I don't lose. I may lose a couple hundred dollars two or three nights in a row, but five or six nights in a row I'm going to pull in a couple hundred dollars.

My coworkers still weren't getting it so I tried explaining it to them in a pure numbers sense. I asked them that if they were given the oppurtunity to place a one dollar bet on the outcome of a coin flip one thousand times where if it was heads they would recieve four dollars and if it was tails they would lose one dollar, would they do it. The entire table quickly agreed that they would. At that time, the light bulb came on in one of my coworkers' head who started to pick up what I was talking about. I told them playing poker over the long run, as long as you are decent at it, isn't any different. I got into a little bit of discussion about odds, betting based on value, etc. The conversation went on for a little while where most everyone got a little bit of an idea what I was talking about, and while they were still a little hesitant about the idea of poker, had dropped a lot of hostitlity towards the idea. It wasn't until I told them that I had been able to pay for most of my education and some of my monthly expenses that they dropped most all of their hostility towards the game.

Deep down I guess I expected that kind of response, its most likely why I had never brought it up in prior conversation, but it still surprised me sitting there at the table. I would have thought with all the exposure poker has had on TV that people's perception of the game would have been at least softened. Maybe it has been and I worked with a collective of the unaffected. I really don't know but it got me thinking what a disservice is done to people who really can play the game.

When I got home, I pulled up iggy's page which was a whole another experience seeing that he had linked me up (thanks) but the important aspect was the bit he had about poker players, their resume gaps, and the valuable job skills that they have cultivated during that time the gaping hole represents. If you can play the game successfully you have learned to do some amazing things. Manage your money, your emotions, manipulate odds, and analyze people. All traits that, at least in my limited experience in the workforce, are vital, and by all accounts, seem to be qualities companies are looking for in employees, especially managerial candidates.

I guess its the stigma that the game has gotten and the overall ignorance that people have of the game. I know before I got into playing, I thought the game was dominated by luck. With the help of some of the unbelievable suck outs that you see on TV, I'm sure that image is perpetuated in anyone who's limited experience is only through that newly invented channel, but thats an issue for a seperate post. I just wish that for once people could see what it means to play the game as a job, to grind out a living, and not just see the glitz, glam, and complete sham that has become the new get rich quick scheme of TV era poker. Maybe then poker would have more meaning than a degree in management, but until then I guess I'm just going to have to live with both of them being a tough sell.

I laughed when my girlfriend went to London a couple months ago and brought me back a "My girlfriend went to England and all she gave me was this fukcing shirt" (no I didn't spell that wrong and if you didn't get the joke in that I promise there is one) but deep down inside I felt a little cheated. I mean hell, the crap I bring her back, its nice, like a 'prata' purse or a 'guchi' hand bag, you know the high class stuff you can find only in Europe and the NY sidewalk.

Fast forward to last night and again I felt cheated however this time it was at the poker table.

Hitting a royal flush is something special. Most online card rooms recognize that and have promotions. Ultimate Bet has its high hand jackpot (which is now back until the 15th I think), party poker has its high hand jackpot tables, the list goes on. The common thread amongst most all the sites: MONEY. If you hit a royal flush you get some kind of monetary reward.

So when I hit mine last night on Absolute Poker, I was expecting to get some kind of pay off. I didn't get any from the hand, the board had four spades and everyone else had red cards. It didnt bother me though, I'm getting something for my big hand.

Well as it turns out, I did get something, but nothing I can put in my wallet. Apparently, Absolute Poker has a Royal Flush Club. Sounds special right. It must be because once you become a member, they give you a T-shirt. Yeah, you hit a royal flush and u get a T-shirt.

I felt really cheated, but at the same time I found it kind of funny. In a game where you can figuratively lose your shirt, and where at times I literally have (ain't strip poker a blast) I won a shirt to wear. Something seems slightly comical in that. However, I still feel cheated, very very cheated.

For anyone who will be in the Dallas area 9/10-11th, check out the Lonestar Poker Expo.

It has a guest lineup of Clonie Gowen, Bob Ciaffone, and even Chris Ferguson.

Tickets go on sale August 9th, but you can pick some up for free. The info is on the site (link) on how to get em.

Take a look, it sounds like its gonna be blast.

It was bound to happen sometime. I just didn't know that I wouldn't be able to see it. For all of you without cable/dish, you'll have to do like me and read about it. For those of you who actually live life the way it was meant to be and have every channel known to man and then a couple extra for the wife, heres all the info:

Start time: 5p.m. central time (In other words its been running for 15 minutes already)

Channel: FSN (Fox Sports)

Players involved: I don't have the ability to verify this but I have been told Chris "Jesus" Ferguson, Howard "The Professor" Lederer, Phil Ivey, John Juanda, Erik Seidel, Jennifer Harman, Clonie Gowen, Phil Gordon, Andy Bloch, Erick Lindgren, and Daniel Negreanu.

Location: club La Bete at Wynn Las Vegas

It should be interesting.

After long consideration and a little ass chewing by Mike, I decided it was time to post again. After all, it has been just a little while (almost 6 months) since my last post.

For all of those who care, and the many more who don't, my lengthy abscence from this blog has been mirrored by a lengthy absence from the professional world. Caught up in all the "I wanna make it as a poker pro" I decided to make the last 6 months an expirment into playing poker for a living rather than a hobby.

The results in terms of cashflow have been better than anything I could have hoped for. I'm averaging a little over 7 times () what I would have been making had I worked a summer/evening job in my per/hour win rate (roughly $60 an hour). The quality of my game has jumped to a level that I never thought it would get in three years let alone 6 months. I guess I can acredit that though to playing 6-7 tables for 9-10 hours a day, a huge jump from my 2-3 for maybe 1-2 hours a day previously. I've plugged most all of my previous leaks in my game and found a couple more that I am working on (you're always doing something wrong that you can fix in this game). All and all, in terms of strictly poker, I have had fantastic results.

Outside of poker things have been a little more difficult. A couple nights a week I go out to some of the local card rooms around Dallas for live games. My win rate in live games is dismal compared to my online rate, but I found that I enjoy the game so much more live. I think the main reason is that playing poker online is such a solitary activity. Since I have started, my skin has paled out, I've put on some weight (I don't know how much is bad weight though: I started a workout program a month and a half ago and I'm hoping its all muscle), and I have begun to experience small bouts of depression and loneliness.

Poker offers such a unique oppurtunity to make it big doing little, but it comes at a significant emotional and mental cost. Working a 9-5 job may not be the most magnificient thing to do, but for the most part, no matter what job it is, doing it performs a service or benefits society in some way. Admit it or not, that gives us, or at least me, some sort of satisfaction. I lack that satisfaction with poker. Unless its a live game, I don't have any communication with anybody while I'm "working" and when you boil it down, all my "job" consists of is taking other people's money and giving them an ass whooping in return. There is something very unsatisfing about that.

I thought a long time about giving up poker all together. Why? I really don't know, its not the only way to fix my problem, nor the best way. Maybe it was that it was the simplest answer. At any rate, I decided against it and that is whats important. Instead, I'm putting poker back into the role it took in my life previously, a hobby. No more. No less. Its just something to do other than sit down and play a video game. Something thats relaxing and an enjoyment, rather than a stress filled, lonely, unsatisfing, job.

Looking back over the last 6 months, I can see why people want to play poker as a profession, but I can't understand why anyone keeps playing it as a profession. Maybe I just get burned out easily, but I doubt I'm the only one who feels this way.

In the meantime, I start work with the City of Plano's City Planning Department on Wednesday. It may be a shock waking up when the sun is still up, but I think I am going to enjoy the change of pace in my life. If anything else, it will be a new challenge for me to take on.

The holidays are over and its time to head back to the world of classes, homework, term papers, and beautiful women (God really did bless Texas). The next couple of days are going to be hectic while I try to get everything connected again so don't expect a speedy response to any e-mail, then again, has anyone recieved a speedy response from me?

Due to a never ending flow of spam posts, I have temporarily disabled comments. Having to delete 50 posts an hour about debt reduction and making my man tool into "a love machine" is really starting to piss me off. I don't even have any freakin' debt right now, but I must admit, the whole love machine elicited a couple curious clicks; I was totally let down with the solution.

If anyone has any clue as to how to prevent spam comments in movable type, please, PLEASE, send me an e-mail. Other than blocking IP addresses which has done little in the way of stopping the influx, I have no idea how to fix the problem.

As most people do around this time, I have been thinking quite heavily about what I want to get out of the next 365 days of my life. 2004 was a stressful but enjoyable year for me. There were very few things in my life that I couldn't smile about. I met a wonderful woman that makes me smile like no one else can. I pulled out my 4.0 for the second straight year. I scored a great internship. All in all, there were very few bad things that happened to me in 2004. Yet, even with all the good things that happened last year, I feel strangely unsatisfied when I look back on it.

When I reflect on what I learned and how I grew over last year, I feel empty inside. I have a natural urge to learn everything I can about whatever I engage myself in and do whatever it is "the best I can" as cliche as that sounds. When I look at all the things I took up in 2004, I didn't even come close to scratching the surface when it comes to getting better at any of them. By and large, last year was a "get my feet wet" year in relation to a lot of things, college clubs, golf, work, but most of all poker. I have been playing for a couple years off and on, but nothing serious. 2004 was to be the year that I grew in my mastery of the game. Unfortuantly, I don't think I made much progress in that department.

When you look at my numbers from last year, you wouldn't think that was the case. Remarkably, they turned out pretty well. I was up more than I ever thought I would be. However, and I think I said this before, poker is not about the money for me. All I care about is getting better, making better decisions, better reads, better bets, just overall playing better than I did when I first started. The money comes second.

Over the last year, I haven't done that. I am still making the same mistakes that I made when I first started playing. I still get to attached to big hands, calling when I know I have been beat. I still don't play position the way I should. I still see way to many flops, hell I see almost as many rivers for that matter (almost 20% of my hands I see the river, but I win more than half of them). I still don't take the time to stop and think before I make a decision. I still am the type of guy that you would want sitting at your table.

I know what the leaks in my game are, and I know, for the most part, what I need to do to fix them, but I just can't seem to do it. This year it all changes. In 2005 I am going to make a conscious effort to plug the leaks and that starts tonight. I have completely emptied the Poker Tracker database and am starting fresh. The bankroll has been emptied except for $100 at party. The goal is to start at the lower limits and work my way up mastering each level as I go. I'll stick to the general rule in moving up the limit ladder accumulating 300 BB before changing levels. I hope to pick up an average of 40-50BB a week but that depends on how much time my schedule allows for poker and how quickly I learn to play.

As far as obtaining the knowledge to hone my game, a lot of it comes with playing and critical, true, reflection on my game. There will be a lot of that. However, there is s also ome schoolin' that I can't provide myself. To satisfy that need I shall turn to the blogger community. I have learned so much from them already, and I know I can learn so much more and now I hope I will be able to implement both the old and newly acquired information.

Maybe I'll be back at the 3/6 tables by the end of the year and turning a healthy profit. That would be nice on the pocket book, but I really don't care as long as I am learning something.

With that said, wish me luck as I take step one of my thousand mile journey.

"It's a roller coaster. Sometimes you're high, sometimes you're low. Right now, it's our low point. There's nothing I can do right now to change it. ... but I'll be all right. I'll fight through. The sun will come up tomorrow." - Jason White

Two years in a row the bowl game has been their "low point" ... and man have I enjoyed the last two years. There is nothing better than watching the team that beat my horns get absolutely walloped. I take pleasure in knowing their fans get a little taste of what I go through every time the Red River Shootout comes around, wondering where the hell did all the talent go! What an embarrassment in front of millions of people.

On a differnt note, the quote was chosen not merely because it allowed me to take a jab at OU, but because it describes my poker play today. 128 hands played without a single win. Variance sucks.

127 hands I look down and find nothing but cards like 92o. Whats worse, I couldn't even play a single hand. If I limped in pre-flop, the pot got raised at least 5 or 6 times the big blind. If I raised pre-flop to try to steal, I got re-raised all-in. You would think I owed the table money with the way it was working me over. It wasn't all bad though. Out of all 127 hands, if I played them down to the river, I only would have won two of them: one when my ten would have beat out pocket eights and another when my 95 would have hit the straight. My outlook: at least I didn't fold a bunch of winning hands like I usually do during "dry spells". No, this was a TRUE dry spell. No cards and no winning hands.

The 128th hand though, I thought I had broken the spell. Nope.

I'm dealt cowboys in the BB. Four people limp, small blind raises. I, still not over the fact I finally got a raisable, scratch that, playable hand, re-raise all-in. I get two callers, a guy in middle position and the small blind. MP flips over pocket tens and SB shows pocket queens. I about wet myself when I saw how far in the lead I was. Finally, I was going to win a pot. Yeah, guess what the first card on the flop was. Yup, it was a ten. Should have known with the way my day had been going.

The remaining four cards were rags and I was left with nothing. I thought about rebuying for a moment before my better judgement came back. The way my day was going, I either would have pissed it away making stupid decisions or just had my stack blinded away. Either way, it wouldn't have turn out profitable so I just went and took a nap instead.

Today was a low-point, but I'll fight through and the sun will come up tomorrow. The cards will eventually change and pots will again be pushed my way. Until then, I take solace in knowing two things.

First, I played the hands right. I maintained discipline and thats a step in the right direction from where I usually find myself during dry spells where anything suited is good enough for to go all-in.

Second, while like the Sooners, I went to sleep having suffered a big loss, unlike OU, I'll wake up tomorrow and still have my dignity.

As a sidenote, the sun didn't come out in Norman today, it was cloudy/rainy ... sorry Jason ...

For those who are addicted to the apprentice ... and have a gambling problem ... like me ...

From bodog.com:

Currently Todd, the 34 year old sales manager, is listed at the favorite at 3/1 odds. Close behind Todd we have John and Tara from the Street Smart team and Erin from the Book Smart team. All three are listed at 4/1 odds. At 5/1 odds another crop of street smart reps are in the fray with Chris, Audrey and book smart Stephanie. Danny and Verna, both representing the book smart team, are listed at 6/1 odds. The two contestants who are currently in the long shot position are Tana and Angie from the street smart squad. Both contestants are listed at 12/1 odds.